the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
