who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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