the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Please don't give away my fajitas
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
