All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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