Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Let's get the cat blown out
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
