Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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