and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
