Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you never un-have a 4some
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
