in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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