Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
so much tequila, so little girl.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
