What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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