it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
