Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
