i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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