Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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