Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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