I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
