U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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