JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
