Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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