I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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