your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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