Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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