I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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