and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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