Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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