Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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