I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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