You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
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Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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