I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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