Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
