Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize