I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize