We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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