Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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