I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
