we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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