also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I look better un-naked...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
