I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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