So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
