y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
