i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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