Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize