Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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