just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
