...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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