Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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