they need to just BURY HIM!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
