I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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