an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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