they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
His nipple licking is glorious
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