New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
