Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
