return my video game
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
