I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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