her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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