All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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