I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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