I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
