he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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