You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
