I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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