we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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