he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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